Eating it up

Ok, so this is my first blog and apparently I'm ready to just jump right in! I'm 37 years old and have known fatness my whole life. I was the first one in the 4th grade to hit 100lbs and weighed over 200 lbs at 16.

Being obese is a daily challenge. I have been at war with food for most of my existence and don't yet know how to balance things out well. I've tried all the diet plans out there. I do NOT look in full length mirrors and will not let pictures get taken of me below the waist. I know I eat my feelings and no amount of therapy or self reflection has changed that.

In 1999 I had my stomach stapled (VBG). My starting weight was 284lbs. I lost 100 lbs and was finally out of the 200's. I was so proud and felt good about myself. I felt normal and like I fit in. Men started to open doors for me for the first time in my life. I got looks as I walked down halls; not because I was the thinnest girl but because I felt fantastic and it showed! I got asked out on dates and started going to the gym because I didn't feel like everyone there would laugh at me.

Then I met my husband and the weight started to creep, creep, creep back up. Life got in the way. Shit happens. We've moved 4 times in as many years, had a career change each, faced infertility, the death of his mom, and adoption of our twin boys that are now 3. I apparently had a lot of feelings to eat! I topped the scales this January at 296.8 lbs... the highest weight I've ever been in my life. I hadn't made me a priority.

This year, I vowed it would all be different. I decided I need to make this right for ME. My stomach has now stretched back to a normal person's stomach size so all gloves are off! I am aiming for 1-2 lbs per week instead of being upset when I haven't lost double digits each week. I am aiming to drink my water, eat more whole foods, and make exercise fun. It is time to start putting me first. I need to do this.

Why the blog? To be held accountable. To be understood and to vent on those days when the scale is not my friend. To fight the good fight with people that will hopefully cheer me on and push me to continue moving forward no matter what! To make myself vulnerable in a way that will minimize the risk of ridicule and hurt.

That being said, I hope to write weekly. I hope my own struggles might be a balm for someone else that might be going through this same torturous process!